How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
