You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
