Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
