her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
