im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
