I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
