I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
