I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
