Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
