Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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