I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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