ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
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