none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
