just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
