You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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