I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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