we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
