I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
