Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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