His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
