he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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