when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
