she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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