dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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