I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
