What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
