'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I am mentally ready for anal.
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