I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
