dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
