I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
