I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
