Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
