Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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