He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Soap is not a condiment
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
