i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
