you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
