it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
