the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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