I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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