I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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