anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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