oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
