All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
