Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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