When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
