I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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