i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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