when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
