I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
