4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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