I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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